By Amanuel Biedemariam
Eritrea Loving
When the Badme war first broke out in May 1998, the mood of Eritreans around the world changed from a peacetime to that of war instantly. Eritreans everywhere were consumed by events that were unfolding in Eritrea.
Our conversation was completely overtaken by the events and the military engagements in various fronts. Eritrean minds were engaged and thinking about their nation and people all of the time… We read, listened and viewed information about the war and Eritrea nearly around the clock obsessively. We planned, organized, demonstrated in front of The Whitehouse, Sate Department, and the US Capitol.
In fact, there was a night that Eritreans spent all night on the grounds of Capitol Hill praying and pleading with politicians on the hill. The intensity subsided somewhat since then; but we are still actively engaged in everything Eritrea for the most part.
During these trying times, there was a nagging question in my mind: “How are Eritreans engaging with their loved ones?” At first I wondered how the women felt when their husbands and brothers talked Badme and Weyane 24-7. Later I realized that was not an issue because I discovered that the women are as animated since they are thinking about their kids, fathers, husbands, brothers and sisters in Eritrea as much – if not more. My friend told me once; his wife was out of town when Eritreans in DC gathered in the Omni Shoreham Hotel to discuss events and developments in Eritrea. That evening Eritreans raised over six million US dollars in one evening. He then called his wife to tell her what happened and she told him to give all their savings and he said he already did. That was the story in the majority of the Eritrean households.
Eritrean women have endured great deal of hardships for many decades, albeit with love of their families. The hardships varied in character and in accordance with the time periods. During the Italian colonial period Eritrean women faced certain challenges; during Haile Sellassie’s and Derg’s they faced yet other sets of issues that presented different challenges. The Italians needed slaves and sex toys while Ethiopian rulers planned the extinction of the Eritrean race through forced marriages and by any means necessary. Therefore, the option to choose love within a community setting freely was challenged by outside forces.
To try to summarize the issues of love and loving within Eritrean context is always difficult. But there always have been certain-facts that Eritreans faced during the various phases. These phases include the colonial period, the struggle for independence, post independence, during and post the Badme conflict, as well as the Diaspora dynamics vis-à-vis love and loving. To try to encapsulate it in a summary such as this will look simplistic but we need to start somewhere. Therefore, all we can do is try to present a sincere assessment, present the facts as we understand them and move forward with some common understanding. And hopefully we can say”Ah this is why…” and, think of solutions to improve things.
Gedli courting/dating
The very fact that we use the term “Ghedli” within the context of courtship highlights overwhelming challenges-Eritrean men and women faced in that endeavor during the struggle. When the men and women of Eritrea flocked to join the struggle, dating, marriage and establishing a family was the furthest in their minds. These people were walking martyrs that gave little thought to their personal future. Yet, over a period of time as the Ghedli grew to resemble a government; that reality hit home and dealing with it became a necessary evil. To meet the needs, to control the situation and to maintain military integrity various guidelines were put in place by the Front.
The reality, most of the Tegadelti, particularly the women were getting older and, the natural need to procreate and belong started to express itself. However, it is easy to understand the trepidations of the women that stood firm in their conviction to fight. Yet, faced with the reality that it is a nation they are to bring about, and the eventuality is that their personal lives and needs needed to be incorporated into the Ghedli life. A good example of that was the reaction to the series “Tmali” received by Tegadelti particularly women. However, that historic reality must only be taken within the national context for big picture to make sense. The Front faced many challenges in this regard. It needed to maintain the military discipline while establishing the blue print for the future of Eritrea.
The Transition
In many ways the Ghedli Era was a transitional period. It was a transition from a colonial era to independence. It was a period in which the EPLF tried to maintain the cultural, ethnic, regional and religious balance while advancing or incorporating it into the political realities of Eritrea that was led by EPLF at that time. It was a period in which the blue print needed to be etched. In a way, it was a window into the future-Eritrea. As more cities, villages and towns fell into the hands of the EPLF, the way of thinking and doing started to evolve.
I consider Eritrea to be lucky because those who led the struggle were cognizant of the sensitivities and established a formula that is tailor fitted for Eritrea. While struggling, they dealt with all types of marital and related issues of relationships. They dealt with the communities under their control by adopting the cultural norms and incorporating into the legal foundation that they wanted to bring into the new nation. Mind you, most of the leaders were of age and going through the changes themselves.
After independence the challenges grew to higher levels. In one hand, the Tegadeltis that struggled for decades needed to be reincorporated into the societies anew while on the other, the societies needed to learn to embrace this new imposition. In between, the euphoria of independence and the flood of Eritreans that flocked to Eritrea masked the underlined issues that needed attention.
There were various levels of layers that Eritreans needed to peel before addressing the core issue that dealt with love and personal issues. Firstly the reuniting that took place between families, friends, and neighbors and secondly, many families were dealing with the loss of loved ones. In addition, it was a challenge for the women to reestablish, assimilate and to compete with those that were in the cities after they have spent most of their adult life in the struggle. Those in the cities had to deal with their own realities with issues that were diametrically opposed to the other. In some cases there were complaints of the Tegadeltis abandoning the women that struggled with them for a long time. The issues mentioned above highlight the complexities that Eritreans dealt with during the crucial period of the transition into independence in a simplified summary.
The Diaspora Equation
From the late 1970’s until independence, Eritreans in the Diaspora were dealing with their own realities related to relationships. My wish is that Eritreans start to write about them because they are full of intrigues, challenges and hardships but through it all love endured. In every stop, whether it is Sudan, Saudi Arabia, Italy, Germany or the USA Eritreans remained connected establishing relationships, marrying and bringing up families while focusing on Eritrea’s struggle for independence.
After independence, as Diaspora Eritrea returned home, trends begun to emerge; trends that are new and disturbing. There were some that went to Eritrea and married in Eritrea while they were already married and with families be it in the US or in Europe. There were, and are, moments where ethical standards became disconcerting. The indiscretions were too many to detail. However, when looked in totality, it is easy to conclude that the last 20 years have been a period of adjustments with some imbalances. For example, economic hardships have led to marriages and relationships that were not balanced. There were some that went to Eritrea and married to women much younger than they are. As a result there was a great deal of suffering by both sexes. Instead of true love many entered into relationships for convenience and for the wrong reasons.
The Diaspora communities, while united in their love for Eritrea, are faced with many challenges when it comes to relationships. These challenges arise due to many factors. Some are due to income disparities, educational and background differences. There is also the issue of distance, life related stress and education. Regardless of the reason, there are many issues that are contributing into the challenges Eritreans face in courtships.
The Big Picture
Eritreans are in a much better position as it relates to relationships and courtship more than at any other time. The root to all evil is education, income disparities and gender discrimination. As life in Eritrea improves for the average Eritrean the way Eritreans relate with each other will change. There are many factors that will contribute to the betterment of life for the youth. That is, Eritrea has all the right ingredients to make life enjoyable, romantic and worthwhile for the young.
Eritreans own some of the most beautiful coastal lines in the world and, when it is developed it will be a romantic magnet. Eritrea is endowed with beautiful localities with favorable weather and living conditions. Eritrean women’s rights are respected and to the most part gender equality is always encouraged by the society and leadership. In Eritrea there is a conscious effort to encourage the youth and families to talk about courtship, marriage, and the archaic dowry system. There is an open forum to talk about cultural, custom and religious impediments for all and particularly young women. Eritrea is committed to protecting the rights of women from abuses, be-it physical or mental. In other words, Eritrea guarantees the security and well being of women and is determined to see that choice is available for women to cast their own direction as they chose. Eritrea has put in place pragmatic programs to empower them.
One of the best attributes of the government of Eritrea is its commitment to education and the development of human resources. Eritrea is committed to distribute education in every corner of the nation to reach every segment of society. This is consistent to Eritrea’s economic diversification strategy that aims to provides opportunities for every region to have ownership of an economic sector or sectors…i.e. fishery, agriculture in one region, mining in another and so on… Economic growth of Eritrea will change the way Eritreans live. It will create a budding middle class enabling women to be economically independent thus minimizing oppression that is based on income. Eritrea has laws that support women’s rights; committed to gender equality, women’s education and, equal economic opportunities throughout the nation. Furthermore, Eritrea is a nation that is full of rich tradition, culture and customs for courtship and marriages. This is true throughout the nation in every region and religion.
Expressing Love
One of the key ingredients to loving is communication. We communicate as humans verbally, with body language, through gestures and actions. Every move that we make conveys certain messages be it negative or positive. The gifts we give, the phone calls we make, emails we exchange are ways to communicate or express love. For long, I have heard that Eritreans are not romantic, expressive and do not understand love and loving. In fact, I know some that have been told that they must be from south of the border when they expressed romantic gestures. The truth however, all one has to do is listen to Eritrean songs. When Eritrean singers sing about love, it is the most poetic and deep expression of love that there is. Listen to the songs of Yemane Ghebremichael aka Barya, Kemeleki, Osman Abdularahim Ab Ketema Mitswae, Tsehaitu Beraki Mejemeria Fikri, Yonus Ibrahim Temanina etc…
Eritrean languages are deep, rich and they allow people to express love with poetry and written expression of love. It gives me a great deal of satisfaction to watch the new videos that they are coming up within Eritrea that show the beauty of Eritrea in every corner while expressing love. We see them in the waters, mountains, at the beach, on boats, in the villages and everywhere else. They are incorporating the modern with the old. This also holds true with the movies and soap operas that they are producing. All of the young singers are singing the love songs like Korchach, and Orion Saleh.
Conclusion
Eritreans have never lacked affection and love for each other. In fact they can’t get enough of each other. There was a long period in the history of Eritrea where the love of country took precedence over individual love. Even when individual love was expressed during that period it was sometimes married to the love of the nation. But that is changing fast with the youth eager to show the rest of the world the ways they express love for each other. And that is becoming evident as time goes by.
Eritrean youth have adjusted to life in a free nation because they are growing in a country that is not contaminated by the colonial impositions into their love-life, music, culture as their parents did. They are free and self centered when they approach issues of love. That is what separates this young generation from the older. That is the benefit of freedom they inherited as the first-free generation. That is what all Eritreans need to realize. It is in a way an expression of the Eritrea’s success to see the first generation of independent Eritrea blossom charting its own destiny.
The biggest challenge regarding courtship exists in the Diaspora. The reason being; the challenges are not met in one setting or with universal vision, it varies. Every Eritrean family in the Diaspora deals with its own challenges. These challenges are due to the scattered nature of Diaspora existence. Just forming a cohesive community setting is a challenge. It is based on the background of the families. Religion, ethnicity, political affiliations and individual understandings have a great role to play. The fact that most of the Eritreans in the Diaspora are first generation Eritreans abroad plays a role in it. When we first arrived in the US, some of the families spoke hardly any English but the kids picked up the language instantly. That was a handicap for the parents. Some of the parents spoke good English yet they isolated their kids from others. Most importantly however, most of these families did not see far enough- ahead to anticipate their kid’s needs. I am sure many have heard, “Eritrawi entetimerawely” but established no foundation to base her or his pursuit. We failed to develop our communities the way we should because it became all about “adults”!
The key is Eritreans will always seek each other in the Diaspora and inside Eritrea for love. As Eritreans what we need to do is asses what we currently have that works, and build upon it. What do we have? We have the annual festivals, Independence Day celebrations, annual soccer tournaments and, the most organized youth organization event, the YPFDJ amongst other events. We have the social media networks, and love based on a nation that ties us all. There is a lot we can work with.
I like the attitude that says, “Eritrea is the purpose, mission and a way of life”! Eritrea truly is liberating. When the youth are grounded on a purpose they tend not to stray and remain morally intact. When parents fail to integrate their kids with others in purpose they generally grow up with a lot of problems. Therefore, it is imperative for families to set aside their personal views and learn from the past and make sure to encourage their kids into everything that is Eritrean.
After all, love is everything. It is giving, receiving; it is sharing, listening, laughing, singing, dealing with challenges and surrendering to it. That means the parents need to understand the need to embrace the attributes of their communities and embrace them with Eritrea as an umbrella and trust of their communities and each other.
Awetnayu@hotmail.com
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